I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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