The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
