addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
