I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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