If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
