There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
