and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
