Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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