We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
