I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Less talking, more tequila
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
