Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
