she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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