So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize