Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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