I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
