the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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