Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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