I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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