Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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