What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
