The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
