She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
