I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
