u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize