I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
