i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Pants are for mortals
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
