Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
i need some magic done to my vagina
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
