i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize