whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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