Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Randomize
