i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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