your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
