So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I am available for nakedness
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
