I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
