So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
