my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize
