I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize