Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
