Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
