Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
