you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize