Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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