fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
