Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Boobs speak an international language.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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