The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
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