Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
