So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
