I must be too annoying 4 u.
one two three fourrrrnication!
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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