The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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