can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
