I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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