did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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