eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
