mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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