ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
