It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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