I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
There's always time for handjobs
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize