The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
