Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
