I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
my poor anus
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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