I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
