I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
