after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
