I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
