How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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