I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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