Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
