I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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