the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
