sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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