you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
