oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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