She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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