Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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