Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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