I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
