There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
