THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
