Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
