: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
