Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
