did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
