Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize