OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
