im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
