omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize