I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Randomize
