I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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