I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
This is my gift to your gina
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
