I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
