I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
