I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
