the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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