he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
