I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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