porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
