Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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