ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Your shirt... Was in my pants
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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