Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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