Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
