and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
my shit smells like andre
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
