Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
