Even the bartender felt bad for me
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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