Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
