Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You're breaking my sexual little heart
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
