i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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