After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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