I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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