When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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