She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
