Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
there is glitter all over my balls
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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