As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
