In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
